035

In the ecstasy produced by confirming as truth something he already knew in his heart, Jon pushed aside the thought of all the other things he didn’t know - and didn’t want to know - about the time he and June had been apart.

One of the things he was happy to ignore was that ever since June had arrived in Hong Kong, every afternoon Martin drove her home and, if he had to work outside the office, he came back to the editorial specially to pick her up, or that she sometimes surprised him looking at her with a quiet smile from a corner of the room. Martin was good company and June spent a great deal of time in his company, much more than she absolutely had to.

It was evident to Martin, right from the beginning, that June certainly seemed to have no interest in anything besides work, except an occasional, almost unconscious flirting…in a rather indirect manner…. He blamed the long days at the office for leaving her too tired for anything else.

A year after meeting her, and a month and a half after June had arrived in Hong Kong, he tried to kiss her, and when she stopped him, he confessed that he was in love with her. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t want to lie to him, either. It was impossible to lie to Martin. She told him how fond of him she was, that he’d become her ally, her friend, but that bottom line, she was not in love with him. Martin said he already knew. “You’re in love with somebody else, I know that. But I also know that you’re trying to forget about him, and he’s not here, is he?”, he said, stunning June with his apparent clairvoyance. He’d often wondered who the hell the guy was.

It wasn’t that June completely disliked Martin, either, but without attempting to deny the obvious, she said she needed time before even thinking about having another relationship, which he understood. After closing the door to her apartment, June had almost cried over the anger that she felt for not being able to let another man into her life, incapable of giving to someone else what she had left at Jon's feet the night they said goodbye.

What Jon was not happy to ignore, though, was what the conversation between Martin and June in the terrace had been about.

“Shall I say it or will you?”, Martin asked once he got June’s attention in the terrace.

“Say what?”, June asked and, for a moment, the lids flitted down over her eyes.

None of them spoke. A deadly silence. The seconds marched past. She stood straight and tall, eyes fierce.

“June…”, Martin sighed a whisper. “This is all wrong. This is…madness. And it is dangerous, besides. You can’t be serious about going”. He continued after a brief pause, “Perhaps you know the why of all this, June, but I do not”

“No other way will do for the book”, she replied. “How can I write about what’s going on if I’m not right there where it’s happening?”.

June had learned so much since she had started frequenting Lipeng back at his old house in a hutong of Shenzhen. For instance, she had learned that the party was neither omnipotent nor all-knowing. They had had one of Lipeng’s friends, squeezed him like a bunch of grapes – obtaining little juice, as it turned out – and made him appear like he had died in his sleep. Well, the party might not know everything, yet sometimes knew what no one else did. Another thing she’d learned: asking could be dangerous, “why” being the most dangerous question of all. The party never liked to be asked why. Lipeng’s façade was immaculate: he was one of the best officers; from head to toe he was fearless and commanding, but behind the dark eyes, deep and thoughtful, lay a man with a strange love: the love of truth, and he could tie it into knots while he spoke, or write it down in a way that flay it while it screamed.

Most of all, June liked his company more than learning, and it was during one of those conversations that her mind conceived the idea for her next novel. It was a story about freedom, but it was also a story about lonely people, about absence and loss and it was for that reason she had taken refuge in it for the past two months to the point where she couldn't tell the difference between the story and her life itself. She had never been so deeply inspired and invested in a story before. It wasn’t about love, though, for she felt it was a secret that once revealed, was lost forever.

“I’m not talking about your book, damnit”, Martin immediately regretted his outburst of desperation, so he hastily continued. “I read the letters, and for what I could understand, the situation is delicate. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but seeing your face a moment ago, who knows how much time I have to stop you before you do anything st-“, he censured himself, upsetting her was not the way of convincing her. ”June…one spark and…does anyone else know about this?”

He’d read the “poems” Lipeng had sent her, written in that language that only poets understood but that he’d taught her. They had been using as a code to exchange messages. It was a rare talent, and Martin understood a little – at least he thought he did – but as apprehensive as he was about June’s plan for getting the undercover subversive author and his family out of the country, he had no intention of telling anyone. That was June’s to reveal, to whomever she chose, so he’d waited. But now the situation had changed.

No more than a slight tightening of her mouth, quickly gone, betrayed her disappointment. “Just the agents”, she admitted, shaking her head, then bowing. She meant the special agents she had personally contacted, the other two people who knew, at least on this side of the border. Bill, a tall guy who had an air about him even at ease that said he was ready to shoot in a heartbeat; and Randy who was not young - there was gray in his dark reddish hair -, but anyone who thought he had softened with age was in for a sad surprise. They had traveled to Lipeng’s hometown pretending to be volunteers for an NGO. Two weeks had passed, and the journey would be known soon enough, yet there were reasons to keep it as secret as she could.

“You think somebody else read them, too?”, she grimaced with frustration: in the rush of the afternoon she must have left the drawer unlocked, but what reassured her was the fact if there was anyone else who could understand what was written, it would be Paul, and he hadn’t been at the office that day. However, Diane always said that if you believe somebody knows twice what they should, you only know half the truth. Martin shook his head.

“I don’t think so, I locked the drawer after I left…but someone has to know, June”

“Someone has to do something, Martin. And the embassy didn’t listen to me, they don’t care. Nobody listens to me and we can’t go public if he’s still there or we’ll never see him again”. She peered straight into his eyes.

Lipeng’s book was almost ready for publication, but June only knew that if the word came out, he’d be tried and probably executed in short order. And that wasn’t the worst case scenario.

In his last letter, Lipeng confirmed her that three days ago he’d gone back to his hometown and his family had been feasting and drinking ever since, as if celebrating his return, but there he realized he was being watched even more than before. Officers had been sent under the pretext that the crime rate had gone up, yet they watched his house more than they did the others’ or the town itself. They watched, and did nothing. For now. But he knew what their presence meant: that he had to stay put. Legally exiting the country was out of question, as was not publishing the book: people had to know. He also told her that he’d seen the two agents, but neither his English nor their Chinese was enough to start a conversation.

Anyone who knew June knew her intelligence and, truth be told, Martin worshiped her, but June would go on thinking she could handle anything by herself right up until one of those anythings crushed her. The woman did extremely odd things at times, yes, and they looked impetuous, yes, but it was also true that she always had deep motives.

“June, this is a foolish risk”, he was running out of ideas on how to tell her the plan was insane.

“We all have to take risks”, she replied. “If you need to worry about somebody, worry about him, not me. I’ll be alright, no officer would willingly harm a foreigner, let alone a woman, without specific order”, she seemed calm and self-assured, but inside, her stomach quivered.

Martin didn’t want to think about that possibility, either. He half-raised a surrendering hand toward her, then let it fall and placed both his hands on his hips. “I still don’t like this plan, June, forgive me but I do not, there has to be another way, there are organizations, international entities, somebody will listen. Somebody will listen to a woman like you”, he said shaking his head.

“If we did as you want, they would close the borders for us before we covered a mile”, she raised herself on her toes, trying to level her deadly gaze to his. It made him flinch. With the corner of his eye, Martin noticed that some of the attendees turned their heads.

Martin sighed. June was probably right, and it was true that a woman could enter where an army could not. It was also true that a few men were easier to kill than an army. The difference between hero and fool was sometimes decided by the outcome, and if June happened to turn out a fool, at least she would not be alone.

She was planning on going to the town herself, pretending to be a tourist and prepare the author and his family for the crossing of the border the agents would be setting up for the end of the month. On the face of it, success seemed impossible, yet nothing else seemed to fit.

“Look”, she started reassuringly. “If the government meant to threaten us, or him, I think they would have by now”. But you know it’s dangerous, she reminded herself, and in that corner of her mind, she felt a chill, but no pain she might be exposed to would ever be enough to make her think what she was about to embark on was a mistake. Wrong? Definitely not. Crazy? Definitely yes. June didn’t like regrets, and at that moment she felt so certain of her choice that left absolutely no room for regrets. If she kept her wits, there would be no way they could harm her.

“I will go with you. Yes, yes, June”, he added promptly anticipating her negative. He had grown up in the unspoken certainty that a man would put himself at risk to protect a woman as far as she allowed.

Only a silent stare for answer. She touched her lips with her tongue, looking remarkably uncertain. Martin still wasn’t comfortable for not being able to read her properly. To him it was like staring into muddy water; sometimes you had the impression that something had moved deep in those gray brown swirls, but you could never tell what. However, for all her supposed reluctance some of what Martin had been saying finally broke into June’s was thinking.

Having him by her side would be comforting, after all. Martin was the sort of man who made you believe there was no cause for panic whatever the situation.

Her mouth tightened, only for an instant. With a toss of her head, she turned her face away, color in her cheeks. She drew breath, wishing it was steadier. Martin put a reassuring hand on June's arm as she hesitated and she finally nodded, rather reluctantly.

“Only one condition”, she finally spoke, and Martin couldn’t help a smile to split his face in half. “Can we not have this conversation again?”

“Sure”, he immediately felt how the mood lightened. “What’s next?”

“Better soon than late”, she rested one hand on her hip; giving an appearance of calm she was nowhere near feeling.

Martin smiled and, wrapping one arm around her waist, kissed her softly on the cheek. “I won’t let anything happen to you, June”. Her green, I-don´t-need-or-want-rescuing eyes met his gaze. “I won’t”, he told her, and he didn’t flinch from her stare this time.

“Can I be alone for a second?”, she said hastily, this state of the matter had left her feeling as if she was stumbling in the dark and she needed to think clearly. After Martin left, she took a couple of deep, soothing breathes. Next to the bar she spotted Jon talking to her dad. Dad. If anything happened to her, it would break his heart, but he’d have to understand. She was sure he would.  Jon. Just the thought of what he would have to say about this made her queasy. Whatever the reason for his presence there was, it wouldn’t make her change her plans.

As soon as her tension receded, all the sounds from the party started invading her again, and the festive atmosphere made her feel hopeful. It was all going to be alright. She took another deep breath and returned to the hall, being immediately surrounded by a group of guests.

…

“I knew it”, Jon teased and chuckled softly. June slapped his back.

“Put me down”, she ordered, amused. He obeyed and she slipped the straps of her dress back over her shoulders, then tried drew the thin sheath down over her knees and adjusted it while Jon did his part by buttoning his shirt and tucking it back inside his trousers. As he buckled his belt, he looked up at her; she was smiling, a faint curving of her lips, and there was moonlight enough to see the color in her face.

“You look incredible”, he said after finishing and wrapped his arms around her waist. It seemed and felt smaller than before. He did not waste time in admiration, though.

 “Thanks”, she managed to say before she let his lips possess hers. Then they moved on to her shoulders. He inhaled deeply and her scent, clear and pure invaded him first like tiny bubbles in his nose, then as warm fondness, and love.

“Oh no no…I gotta go”, she said between soft moans of pleasure triggered by his tender kisses. He looked at her with a pleased grin and pulled her tight against him. This time she snuggled her face into his chest and hugged him back, squeezing harder. 

June heard the sound of high heels walking away from the terrace and gasped.

“Baby, is something wrong?”, Jon whispered, almost inaudibly, after a few moments of silence had passed, but June just buried her face in the soft hollow of his shoulder. “Answer baby, answer me”. She placed her index over his lips and listened again, waiting a few moments before whispering. “I thought I heard someone”.

Jon hadn’t heard anything, but kept quiet for a long minute.

“I must go. You wait. I’ll look for you later”, June ordered, then changed his executive tone for a warmer one and a soft smile, a single eyebrow raised at his zipper. "Besides…you'll get in trouble if you go out like that"

“That’s your fault”, he smirked.

“I did my part alright”, she shrugged. A hint of wry laughter curling the corners of her mouth.
"Yes, you did. You did it very well," was his answer before she walked away. Hoping she wasn’t blushing too badly, at least not enough to rouse suspicions.

June managed to make her way to the toilet almost unnoticed and once there, in front of the mirror, she noticed the spots of color in her cheeks, bright and hot. Hopefully she’d be able to blame the heat for it. then she gave herself a long once-over in front of the mirror: there was no clear evidence of what had happened in the terraced and besides, no one at the party would ever so much as suspect the reason of her momentary absence, and when June walked into the hall she did it so smoothly, so stately, that no one would have ever guessed what she had been doing a few moments before.

…

The following morning June’s eyes popped open when she felt Jon’s weight gently move over her. With her head half-buried in the pillow, she stared back to the face above hers: covered in a sheen of perspiration, it was the most pleasant sight first thing in the morning.

“I hope you slept well”, Jon said before planting a soft kiss on her lips. Her hands instinctively surrounded his thin waist.

“It was a good nap, yes”, she couldn’t help but smiling. The last guest had left the hall at around two in the morning, and then she could hardly recall what time she and Jon had finally fallen asleep. It was a pity she had not managed a little real rest: it was going to be a long, long day. Just the thought made her sigh. With a finger, Jon removed a strand of hair that partially covered one of her eyes, but kept his gaze fixed on her. “What?”, she asked sleepily as her hand stroke his face slowly, softly.

“I don’t deserve you”, he looked meaningfully into her eyes, one hand on each side of her head. “Sometimes I think that you’re way outta my league”, he smirked, but it was the truth.

“Is there anything I can do to help you with that?”, keeping her face smooth took effort.

“Take me, I’m yours, too, if you’ll have me”, he sighed, brushing the tip of his nose with hers. His words touched June’s already mushy heart, and she felt helpless in adoration of him. “I’m not much, I know…”, he said with a shrug of mock self-deprecation, eliciting a soft chuckle from June. “…but it looks as though this is all there is”. June’s eyes became glassy: at that moment, she felt she had all she could have possibly wished for, and more. “What?”, Jon asked after a moment of silence.

“I must admit I’m hesitant”, she said with no apparent enthusiasm and pushed him softly away. Jon frowned and moved carefully to lie on his side, but at the last moment, biting her lip, June laughed aloud and, with a swift movement, managed to land on top and straddle him, pressing each of his wrists against the pillow on either side of his head. When Jon realized he’d fallen in a trap, he groaned and pouted. “I love you, Jon, and it’s so nice to finally tell you the truth”, she confessed. “If this is what we got, if this is what there is…then it’s good”, she nodded.. “Besides…”, she started singing Ella Fitzgerald’s song, “I’ve got beginner’s luck…the first time that I’m in love…”.

“Kiss me”, he ordered, sending whirlpools of sensation through all her tissue. She obeyed by ducking and giving him a lingering kiss. She softly released his wrist to allow him to wrap his arms around her. It was curious how everything disappeared from her conscience when he kissed her.

After a couple of moments, he chuckled against her lips, so she pulled apart and straightened her back. His hands went now to the back of his head. Sun-haired, blue-eyed and beautiful, his face bore his trademark super confident air.

“So…you love me”, he said softly, very softly and very warmly. There was relief in his voice, and he was smiling, too. June slightly rolled her eyes as her hands drew fingernails down his chest. “Let’s start all over, let’s make it right”

“What about distance?”, she asked as her hands moved on his shoulders. Not to mention her plans for the following weeks.

Leave everything and come home with me. “It can be worked through with time”, he said reassuringly before moving to sit up. Once face to face, with his hands splayed on her back and hers, in turn, surrounding his neck the same way her legs circled his hips, she felt the strength of his wanting her against her crotch. You listen to me”, he said calmly, “I love you, June Cohen. And you belong to me. To me, do you hear me?”

June smiled and nodded silently, but inside her blood sizzled, and her womb opened up to him, as does every woman’s when she hears the right words said the right way.

…

After a few more hours of alternating torrid kisses with intense eye-gazing, greedy devouring each other’s bodies with longingly examining each other’s faces, completely sated, they showered and ordered room service.

Before eating they both took turns to return missed calls, then remained quiet for a while, hardly speaking but reassured by the mere fact of being at hands’ reach from each other. “Both dad and John were wondering where I was”, June started and Jon snapped his head up from his cup of coffee. “I didn’t tell them”

“There’s no more need for secrecy, you know”, Jon added after a moment, leaving the decision to her.

“I think we shouldn’t…at least not yet, until we sort this out”, June looked at him with a certain sadness and took a bite off her biscuit. “And your divorce …we still can’t be seen like together”.

Oh, that. If only there weren’t other people in the world…Jon nodded, acknowledging, and remained hesitant for a few seconds. “I’m sure we can handle that…”, he spoke reassuringly, sliding his hand up her bare thigh. “John knows something, I dunno...he asked me if you and I happened, and I quote, ‘to have crossed that fine line that marks the indefinable boundary between friendship and love’”. Jon couldn’t help but chuckling at the recollection. His hand went back to his cup of coffee.

“That drunk, huh?”, June laughed amusedly.

“But impressive… I wish I was that eloquent when I’m drunk”. June’s laughter was quiet and breezy but, knowing that her brother had now patched together the clues, she knew that a chat with him was overdue. But not today.

June glanced at her watch. “I must go”, she said at last, standing after setting her teacup down on the coffee table. “They’re leaving in a couple of hours…”. She chortled and looked at the ceiling, “…but I won’t be able to leave with your hand under my shirt”, she teased, and Jon drew her to him, holding her close with one arm, unbuttoning her shirt with his free hand. She had nothing but her knickers under it.

“It’s my shirt, remember?”, he whispered against her now bare stomach, holding her close to his lips, his fingers caressing the delicate, warm skin of her waist and hips. “Ya know…my plane doesn’t leave until tomorrow morning”

“So…?”, she exaggerated her false hesitation, biting her lower lip.

“I’m gonna be needing a place to crash”, he purred, his hand gliding up to settle on her breast. June chuckled throatily at seeing where he was intended.

“Mmm….Mr. Rockstar in need of charity? Let me think for a second…”, she smirked, looking down at him and placing her index finger on the cleft of his chin, a quiver of exquisite anticipation stirring inside. “I might be able to find you a place…”, she buried her fingers in his soft, thick hair. “…between my sheets”

…

It wasn’t dawn yet when Jon opened his eyes. He’d set the alarm to minutes after that moment, so he turned it off before it rang and checked on June who was quietly sleeping by his side, so relaxed and surrendered that it felt like a sin to wake her up. Besides, it was a rare opportunity, for she was usually the one waking up earlier and sneaking out. It was his turn now, but the one thing that set Jon’s mind at peace was that he’d see her again in only two days, after completing his appointments in Australia. He placed a soft kiss on her cheek and left, trying to prevent the bedroom door from creaking as he closed it behind him.

June woke up as soon as she saw the sky lighting up with a new day through the open window of her balcony. A rim of the sun showed above the hills to the east and smells of breakfast cooking filled the air as she heard the sound of people bustling about on the street. Even before coming to Hong Kong she already knew that she didn’t care about big cities, they just weren’t for her, but it was a sacrifice she was willing to make for the sake of her project. She missed her house in the suburbs, though, terribly. And her cottage by the lake. She’d have to go back there soon: it was the one place where she could really breathe, but first, she had to take care of a more important thing.

At the office, it was a normal day except for the fact that the party had provided a new topic of conversation that would last for at least the following week until it completely wore off. June and Martin, seizing the opportunity that everyone had gone out to lunch, ordered take out from their usual seafood restaurant and began talking about the details of, now “their”, mission. They would be good to go by Friday night, only a few hours after Jon left Hong Kong on his way back to the States from Australia. Maybe if he made love to her the way he had the night before back at her apartment, it would make it easier for her to hide her anxiety from him. .

However, two hours after lunch, June’s hands trembled as she held her own head between them. When her body finally decided her stomach was completely empty, she stood up and washed her pale face with cold water. When Martin had left her office five minutes earlier, he looked ready to empty his stomach as well. It wasn’t the first time, so she knew what ride her body was up for the following 24 hours. June laughed weakly at herself. “Food poisoning…awesome”.