025

It was well after sunrise when June woke. They lay facing each other in a disorderly embrace, June’s leg draped over Jon’s knees and his arm placed over her waist, with his hand hanging lazily behind her back.

June felt she still needed a couple more hours of sleep, but she couldn’t afford it, since the girls would be arriving at her house before noon to cook and have brunch, so she gave her will a final push and placed a soft kiss on Jon’s shoulder before carefully removing her leg and sliding off from his embrace. She managed to take a quick shower and tiptoed out. Jon had rumbled in the bed and was now on his stomach. June mouth watered and she felt the barely resistible desire to lick the trail of his spine all the way up to his neck, but shook her head to push away the distracting thought and finally sneaked out.

June was immensely grateful for the relaxed atmosphere her reduced but close group of friends provided, as well as helping her put her feet back on the ground. Spending time with them was something just ordinary, simple and easy, all things she knew she’d specially need the following weeks before her departure in order to have her mind clear and focused.

"For Christ’s sake, Hayley", June exclaimed rolling her eyes back in enjoyment, "these bisque’s are just heavenly". Everyone else agreed as June softly licked the tip of her fingers in order to remove the micro-fine sugar that covered the bisque she had just eaten.

"Someone’s coming" said Diane with a slight frown in her brow as she saw the rental car that was parking in front of the house. A wide-eyed June stood up at once. Dulled by the pleasures of the previous night and the enjoyment of her time with her friends, she’d utterly forgotten to tell them there was a high probability of Winston dropping by to say goodbye. Maybe she’d just subconsciously hoped he wouldn’t show up at all, but there he was. She observed him briefly through the window as he walked towards her door.

"Sorry, guys", she apologized and proceeded to brief her friends on the issue. "But don’t worry, he’s just not gonna be here long, he’s got a plane to catch"

Of course Diane and Patsy already knew Winston from the time they travelled with June back in ’95, but June introduced Winston to Jackie, Hayley and Laura.

"Nice to meet you ladies", Winston spoke with his usual charm and barely accented English he’d acquired during his years of college in San Francisco. "Now if you excuse me, I’d like to steal this girl for a few moments"

"Sure", Diane took the lead, "you guys go ahead, we’ll clean up"

"Thanks, D, I’ll be right back", finished June.

But as soon as Winston held her hand once they stood underneath the shadow of the oak tree in June’s backyard, she knew it would take a little while longer.

"Come to Jakarta with me", Winston began without further introduction. "I miss you"

 June released a soft nervous chuckle. "I thought we were clear about that. You said you felt the same"

"That was two years ago…and I lied", he confessed with a sheepish but playful smile.

"So all this time you were…" June felt a sting of regret for not having seen it coming.

"Faking, waiting for you to change your mind"

"And whenever did I do that?", she said, now with a hint of frustration in her voice. "Change my mind? I thought you knew me well enough".  When she finished, she released her hand from his and she crossed her arms across her chest.

"I know you well enough to know that when the right time comes, you do. And what time can be more perfect than now?", he spoke seductively and lifted her chin up to look into her eyes, but all he found was defying eyes under a deep frown.

"And you think that that’s all it takes? That only your decision counts? Does what I feel or think even matter to you?", she could barely stand the selfishness and slight immaturity in his attitude.

Winston held his chin up, his Adam’s apple rising from the loose shirt as he stood peering into space with his hands resting on his waist. When he spoke, his voice held a bold, domineering air  "I see…It’s my bad then, for having thought that you’d have changed by now. I thought that if I set you free for some time, you’d come ba-…"

"You have no idea what you’re saying…", she interrupted and shook her head, snorting with incredulity. "And if it’s anybody’s fault, it’s mine for having thought that we could be friends, or making believe that we were. I’m sorry if I made you lose your time", her soul was already stirred enough, and she didn’t have any margin for keeping her tongue or her sarcasm on a leash. Set you free for some time? Was he kidding? She was so angry she wanted to cry, but she was too proud to do it. "You don’t know me, and I clearly don’t know you at all", she sentenced irrevocably.

"Come on, June…Does it really have to end like this?", he raised his voice with frustration.

"It’s been over for a long time, Wins". Her tone was calm and even. There were a few moments of solemn silence while Winston recovered from the sincerity of June’s answer, and June nodded silently, as she massaged the back of her neck with one of her hands. "Have a safe trip".

"And you have a good life, June", he finally spoke with a dramatic but sarcastic air, pursing his lips and walking away before June had a chance to reply or to begin to believe what had just happened. A sense of loss invaded her, and she felt sad. The Winston she knew, the Winston she had almost gotten to love, had been an illusion. Could she have been more wrong about him?

Jon barely had time to realize that the face that was coming towards him looked familiar before bumping loudly into the tall, wide-shouldered guy that stormed out of June’s house. The distinctly exotic man walked on without apologizing and after starting his car, furiously drove away. Jon followed the blue car until it turned around the corner while he rubbed his sore arm. He’d hope that by this time all the girls would be gone, but judging by the number of cars parked outside June’s house, he’d arrived a little earlier. Anyhow, the idea sprung into his mind that it would be fun to let his rock-star persona take the wheel now. He loved to ruffle some feathers. 

Showtime, he whispered to himself before ringing the doorbell, his mantra before making any triumphal appearance, regardless if his audience consisted of 5 or 50.000 people.  "Ladies…", he greeted soberly after Diane opened the door for him and asked him to come in. Being the show photographer for a prestigious music magazine, Diane had had the chance to meet Jon in many opportunities. In the end, that’s how she’d met June’s brother and eventually, June herself. Jon waved a hand in the air before placing it in the back pocket of his jeans, while his lips opened in a smile that showed off his long, white, glistening teeth. His features wore a look that evidenced he was conscious of the duty that he’d laid upon himself to please. Even when the girls knew what the nature (at least the official one) of the musician and the writer’s relationship, most of them had never seen the first one in the flesh, and a couple of them just stared in astonishment at his god-like beauty.

"What are you doing here?", June’s voice caught his attention from the kitchen door. Her heart leaped at the sight of him, but her intimate reaction appeared to have been overlooked by everyone in the room, except for the person that had caused it. He could have taken advantage of it and tease her, but seeing the slight mist in her eyes, he changed his plans.

"Can I talk to you for a second?", he said, his smirk disappearing from his lips. He didn’t know quite what to make of June’s expression.

"Girls, you know Jon, right? Jon, the girls, girls, Jon", she introduced, as if there was nothing singular in the man that had just walked through the door, making it obvious to Jon that Mr. Rockstar had nothing to do there. The introduced briefly exchanged greetings before June tilted her head towards the corridor, indicating for Jon to follow her.

"Didn’t I tell you this was a chick meeting?", she chastised playfully after she closed the door behind her, but the mist in her eyes was still there.

"Well, I just ran into a rooster on my way here, and damn he’s strong", he rubbed his arm again and leaned back against the desk. He extended his arm in front of him and took June’s hand to pull her close to him. She surrounded his neck with her arms and pressed a kiss against his lips.

"Winston came to say goodbye, he’s going back to Jakarta toda", June answered reluctantly, she didn’t feel like giving any explanations, at least not until she herself was able to process what had just happened.

"Oh", Jon said trying to sound surprised, but he remembered. “Mr. Asia”. The information brought about nothing less than a revolution in his mood.

"I can picture the image you must have of him now", said June as her chin rested on his shoulder. I doubt it, Jon thought, while June observed him, vaguely tense. Jon decided it would be a good moment to change the subject, but his tongue was quicker.

"I hear Jakarta is a fascinating city", Jon spoke as he tasted the envious pangs, those practically forgotten feelings that were now returning, and he was finally able to recognize. June released the embrace and took a step back, while Jon on his part, leaned back again against the desk and placed both his hands on the edge, next to his hips. The bear thought of someone like June going to Asia - or to North Carolina, for that matter - after anyone caused him a sort of physical nausea that made him wince.

"You can’t be serious", she said, staring deeply into his eyes, two deep wrinkles of defiance, maybe even a subtle disgust, in her brow. The unspoken implication of his comment allowed for uneasiness to quickly settle in the air between them, June let her head fall slightly to one side.  "Do you realize what you’re saying?"

On the light of his efforts to conceal his jealousy having proved unavailing, he decided to pull off his strongest card: seduction. He approached her with feline movements and moved behind her, pressing his chest against her back and encircling her waist with his arms.

"I wanted to see you", he whispered against her ear. "tell me you don’t want to see me and I’ll leave right away", one of his hands started unbuttoning her jeans and unzipping it.

June was still trying to get a grip of the mixed signals of Jon’s actions when she felt his hand slide under the band of her panties and his finger run down along her slit. Jon felt her tense, and realized that the move hadn’t had the result he’d expected. June felt cornered instead, and that wasn’t a feeling she was comfortable with.

"Now, it’s better if you just leave", she said calmly, and Jon’s ego revolted at the affront, but his conscience told him that it was well deserved. He swallowed and removed his hand from June’s crotch. She hastily buttoned up her jeans and turned to the door. When she placed her hand on the door knob, Jon spoke.

"June, wait. Damn", he stomped behind her and held her by the arm, but she motioned him back with a jerk of one shoulder.

"Say something", he said, and she threw him a stare that burnt.

"You’re out of your mind", was June’s only reply before she opened the door and started walking down the corridor. In a second, she was busying herself with the task of picking up dirty dishes and trays from the dining table.

On his way out, Jon was intercepted by Hayley, who, not without a certain amount of uneasy coquetry and curiosity, offered him a tray of bisque’s, but he gently declined the offering. He couldn’t have swallowed an Aspirin. He exchanged farewells with the women in the living room and walked out the door.

"Gawd...", Hayley spoke as she peeked through the curtains, watching Jon’s swagger towards his car, "…nobody should be allowed to smile like that"

"Or walk like that", added Laura.

"What was that all about?", Diane directed her teasing question to June once she walked out of the kitchen.

"Just friends’ stuff…normal stuff", June answered carelessly and went back to her task.

June’s uneasiness was quickly credited to the backyard scene, which she briefly commented on.

"S’alright, I’m just a little shocked, that’s all", she finished, and quickly sank back into the easiness of the friendly atmosphere. It was well into the afternoon when her last friend was out the door, and June started packing a small suitcase.

…

"Drive home with me?", she asked once her brother picked up the phone, but by her tone, he knew that it was more like an order.

"You mean home, HOME? But mom and dad are coming next week…and can’t you take a plane?"

"Oh, come on, it’ll be fun. For old times’ sake…", June waited while John made his decision. "…Mimi can come, too, jeez, don’t you guys have a life apart from each other?"

"Mimi can’t come ‘cause she’s got a photo shoot on Friday…" he clarified hastily "I’m just checking the agenda, you anxious bug". He sighed, if he and his sister had something in common, it was the power of conviction. "Alright…alright, I have some stuff to arrange for Jon’s trip to London, but it’s nothing I can’t deal with over the phone. But sis? Just one thing, though".

"What", June already knew the answer, she knew her brother as if she’d given birth to him.

"I drive"

Making only a few service stops, barely over 11 hours later they were parking in front of their parents’ house in Kalamazoo, State of Michigan, under a heavy rain. June’s cell phone had rung a few times, but she hadn’t picked it up, they would have to wait until the next morning. During one of the stops, however, while John was busy paying the gas bill, June decided it would be wise to return Jon’s calls, if she knew him at all, he wouldn’t stop until she answered, so she might as well get things straight as soon as possible. She took a deep breath and dialed. Jon had gone straight from June’s house back to his old house in Jersey and was now tucking his babies in, softly humming a Beatles’ song with his soothing, husky voice. He heard his cell phone ring in his bedroom across the corridor.

"Aright, I was an asshole". That was one thing Jon was sure of, but for the first time in a very long time, he wasn’t sure about pretty much anything else. "There it is, I said it", his face bore a sheepish grimace. June ignored his comment.

"Look, Jon, I’ll be off town for a few days, how about I call you back when I’m back in Jersey?". Her voice bore a tone of peace, or at least truce, but it also represented a certain absence of fear, most of all, of being without him. It made Jon realize that conquering June’s body wasn’t going to be enough. If he wanted her to be his, he’d have to conquer her soul as well.

"I’m leaving for London next Monday; you think you can make it back before then?".

June doubted for an instant and wished she didn’t have to come up with an answer right away.

"Maybe…I don’t know, Jon. I need some time to think"

After saying goodbye and hanging up, it dawned on Jon that a quick decision was in place. Being able to avoid him by any means was an honor he conceded to only a handful of mortals, and they were usually people he’d rather not share the same universe with. June was clearly not in that group.

…

June woke up and had a late breakfast with her parents. Her brother was already holed up in his office and she could hear his strong voice coming through the corridor as he spoke on the phone.But June hadn’t felt completely like herself lately and she needed solitude to reunite with her original self. Her mother noticed that June had put on her outdoor outfit, and June answered the question that froze on her lips.

"I’m going to the cabin for a couple days. I don’t think I’ll come back to K, so I’ll see you back in Jersey. Next Monday, right?", June spoke as she got up and picked her backpack, then kissed her mother and father goodbye, only allowing enough time for her father to say “Take care, sweetie” before she walked briskly out the door.

…

June drove the car through the winding, narrow road that led to her cabin and noticed the fresh mud on the track, fresh and unruly. In the back of her mind, June just wished that everything was alright, and that the tracks simply corresponded to the ranger that usually made rounds after a storm, checking for damage to the constructions. That was one of the possibilities. The other one was sitting on the wooden steps that led up to the veranda facing the lake that lay beneath a colorless, overcast sky. He was leaning back against his backpack and smoking a cigarette, which he put off by throwing it inside a bottle that still held half an inch of water in it. The monochromatic quality of the scene made Jon’s eyes stand out like two bright windows into the deep blue ocean.

"I thought you might come, but I didn’t think you’d actually dare", said June with a tight smile.

"I thought you’d think that, and that’s why I came. To prove you wrong", he replied with a satisfied smile as he wondered how it was possible to feel someone so far away, when you can read every crease on their lips.

"You seem very sure of yourself, Mr. Rockstar…", she said as she stood in front of him, holding a paper bag with groceries with both hands, her backpack hanging from one of her shoulders."…I thought you’d come because you wanted to see me", she defied him with a tight-lipped smile, and Jon stood up to face her.

"I came because I was wrong yesterday". He took the paper bag from her hands and brushed her cheek with his thumb. "Isn’t that enough?"

June smirked sideways, despite all the adulation that surrounded him and made him so irritatingly arrogant, given the opportunity he could be deeply humble as well, and that’s something that June admired of him. "Only for now…Let’s get in", she suggested, and reached for the keys in her pocket.

As she turned the key, she warned.

"Oh, I had a special carpet installed a few months ago, so once you’re in, you have to take off your clothes", she said as she walked in and took off her trekking shoes.

"Well, I wasn’t expecting to be forgiven right away, but OK", Jon grinned, taking advantage of June’s slip of tongue.

June laughed loudly and kept a wide smile when she realized what she’d just said. "I’m sorry, I meant shoes"

"Yeah, that’s what I thought", replied Jon with a tight smile.

They dropped their backpacks on the old trunk near the door and he followed her to the kitchen. The main area was generous, but there were no separations between the living room and the kitchen, which was integrated with the dining room. He placed the paper bag on it and took a quick glance around. Most of the surfaces and furniture were wooden but had been painted white, what gave the entire space a fresh and calm feeling. The carpet, curtains and some paintings provided splashes of earthy colors.

In one of the corners, June had built up a small office, and Jon could tell how it was there that she spent most of her time, most probably writing and translating texts. They usually cracked jokes on each other about their compulsive affection for production. Just as he was, June was possessed by the disease of industriousness, and just as he had, June was usually on the verge of being convinced that it was a kind of cowardice, a way of evading to look at life on the face. Just as he had, she had done everything there was in her power to prove that view wrong.

June disappeared in the corridor and entered the bathroom, while Jon continued to explore the interior of the cabin. Approaching the desk, he found the stacks of books that functioned as library, and a collection of pencils scattered without any evident order around the typing machine. He also found the manuscript of a novel. On the first page, like in every one of June’s novels, it read: “To J”. He felt tempted to begin reading, but when he was about to turn the second page, he felt her presence again and turned around. June observed him in silence with a fragile smile.

"I thought I said I needed time to think", she said calmly as she approached the dining table, hands in her pockets.

"Do you want me to leave, then?"

"There’s no wine, and I only bought food for one", she warned, aware of the practically inexistent discouraging power of her words.

"I think I can handle that…We got each other, and that’s a lot...", Jon chortled at the silliness of the self-quote.

"Who said that, a friend of yours?", June teased trying to keep a straight face. Jon found himself nodding and chuckled hoarsely.

"Sort of"

"Then you’ll have to introduce him to me", she raised her eyebrows and smirked sideways, then she bent at the waist and placed her elbows on the dining table.

"Sure", he shrugged , "tonight…if you want to"

Jon’s sweet face was able to extract a soft laughter from June’s moist lips. He was thinking that he would rather moisten those lips himself, but it still seemed that there was a long way to go before he could achieve that. He mirrored her pose on the other side of the table, holding his head up with his fist under his chin.

"You know…your smile feels like a welcome", Jon whispered, as if he was telling her a secret only he was privy to, and June kept the low volume as she spoke.

"Is that line from your friend, too?"

"No…I just made that up to impress you"

"Then you speak like the cover of a 1 buck novel", again, she offered a playful smile as she incorporated herself back up. Jon chortled at her boldness; his ego was never safe around her. There was no more room for games. Jon was there, and June wasn’t still sure whether she wanted him to stay or not. If he stayed, would he be staying as a friend or as a lover? Or both? Or neither? That wasn’t a decision she could make on her own, and it would all boil down to how honest Jon and her were able to be with each other. Her voice volume went back to normal. "We still have a few hours ‘till dinner, wanna join me for a walk?"  

"Do I really have a choice?", he asked with a shrug and June shook her head, an apologetic smile on her lips.