2.6.13

THE END...OF THE BEGINNING

It was only minutes past three in the morning when Jon finally walked through the door of the apartment after returning from the last show appointed for that year. He felt drained but on the other hand somewhat euphoric and excited on the face of the upcoming holidays and starting a new life with the woman that had helped him pick up all the pieces and made his life complete once again.

To his surprise, for he was hoping to find her asleep in bed so he could wrap her with his arms, he heard her sharp voice coming from the kitchen door. His first reaction was of concern: she hadn’t had nightmares for a few nights, maybe they were back. Then as he took off his boots, Jon deduced, by the rather business-like tone in her voice, that she was talking to someone at the office in Hong Kong.

After carefully placing the guitar place next to the couch, he threw his backpack on the sofa and walked towards the voice to find June standing barefoot with her back to the kitchen door, wearing that short champagne satin nightie that he liked so much. Out of habit, she kept her wounded leg slightly bent so her weight rested on the other leg. The rosy scar looked now like a delicate line that followed the swirl of her toned calf. The phone was pinned between her head and her shoulder, freeing her hands so she could handle the utensils in the traditional Chinese porcelain tea set, one of the few things apart from her clothes that she’d brought with her back from Hong Kong. Her glossy hair was draped over the opposite shoulder, revealing the enticing shapes of her shoulder-blades.

Jon leaned against the door frame with a wry smirk on his lips, arms crossed over his chest while he enjoyed the view and she continued stating her point, completely ignoring his presence.

When she finished her sentence there was a long pause as she listened to her interlocutor, indicating with small affirmative sounds that she was following. Then she laughed softly and her tone changed when she spoke.

“Yeah…I miss you, too”, she said, making Jon frown. “No…we agreed on deciding after the holidays, but I think I already know the answer…it’s gonna be a no”, she finished with a soft sigh and placed the teapot back on the tea tray, then held the phone with one hand.

Jon felt a sting of guilt for eavesdropping on June’s conversation, seasoned with a fair amount of curiosity and jealousy. Never one to worship at the altar of patience (particularly when he’d had a bit too much to drink during an after party), he approached her and let his hands snake around her waist, making her gasp in surprise and turn her head.

“It’s Jon, he’s back”, she answered the question that came from the other end of the line, with a loving smile as she looked into Jon’s tired blue eyes and placed a smooch on his puckered lips that still tasted vaguely of beer. Putting the phone against her shoulder, she whispered: “It’s Marco, he says hi”. Swallowing his unfounded jealousy, Jon raised a manly voice so he could be heard through the telephone line. “Hey Marco, everything alright?”. The shows at smaller venues of his solo tour were much less demanding than the huge stadium gigs he was used to with the band, but took their toll on his voice nonetheless. And damn it was hard to be nice to a man that seemed to be always trying to seduce his woman, even though Jon was well aware that it wasn’t the case with Marco.

“He says tutto a posto”, grinned June, knowing that Jon’s knowledge of the Italian language was quite limited for all the boasting about his origins he usually did.  “I need to focus on my own writing right now. You know what they say about inspiration-...exactly”, she chuckled softly when Marco finished her sentence, then it morphed into a giggle when Jon nibbled on her neck. He had placed his hands on the kitchen counter, caging her between his arms. “Look, sweetie…I need to go…”, she laughed amusedly, apparently at a comment Marco had just made, “…yeah, talk to you soon…Ciao”. She was still laughing and shaking her head when she hung the phone on the receiver on the wall to her right. She swirled inside the enclosed space of Jon’s arms and faced him, circling his neck with her arms. They kissed deeply for a long moment.

“Hi”, she greeted softly.
“Hey, baby”, he greeted back with an extra-raspy voice and hugged her tightly. “How are you feeling?”, he asked against her hair.
“Much better, actually”
“Nightmares gone?”
“Uh-huh…I thought I’d heard you were coming back tomorrow noon”, she teased, reminding him of what he’d told her during the conversation they’d had earlier that night after the show.
“I don’t usually get the chance to surprise you”, his tone was a half-triumphant. “And I just couldn’t wait to come home to you”, he said, almost in a whisper, rubbing his nose with hers as his hands glided over the incredibly smooth fabric to settle on her belly. “And finding you here is just…you have no idea how happy it makes me”.
“That makes three of us, then”, she whispered with a lovely smile, and a small whimper rumbled in her throat when Jon kissed her once again. Her extreme sensitiveness made it possible for Jon to turn her completely on with the same easiness it took him to flick a switch.  “Will I at least be able to finish my tea?”, she teased seductively when she noticed that she wasn’t the only one that was beginning to become affected by the steamy kiss, making Jon chuckle softly.
“Nuh-huh…if you wanted me to behave you shouldn’t have put this on. You know it’s my favorite”, he whispered as his hands travelled down to the lacey white hem of the short nightie and pulled it slightly up, uncovering her thigh, which he brushed with his calloused fingertips. “My body needs you, baby…so bad”, he managed to voice as he licked her lips. “Does it still hurt?”. he asked, and June had to stifle a giggle at his poorly disguised impatience. He’d been extra sweet and considerate about her wounds these past couple of weeks, but his tone now held a slight, more aggressive tone than made June’s knees quaver. And hell if she herself wasn’t ready for something less tender.
“No…”, she said against his ear with a sultry tone, then placed a hand on his tight fly. “…I want it…hard”.
For Jon, to hear June speak in that provocative tone was a welcome shock and he responded by nibbling on her earlobe, making her moan when her nipples tightened, aching for the release only his hands and lips could provide.

Hours later, some steps approaching her woke June up. She thought it was Jon squatting next to her, but how was it possible? Her mouth was dry and she tried to speak but couldn’t. The person next to her put a glass of water next to her mouth and held her head while she wet her lips. It was then that she noticed it wasn’t exactly Jon, even though he bore his features. It was when he looked into his green eyes that she realized who it was, and the shock made her wake up, this time for real.

It took her a second to realize what the dream meant: she’d decreed that her concerns about what Jon’s view on the pregnancy were had no base in reality whatsoever, but she’d always had a good sense of what was the right thing to do, and it was now telling her that she had to open up to him, so she decided that the time had come. She’d do it that very same day.

But he was gone and, again on his side of the bed, a note.

3 p.m. at the café

And it was already almost 2 p.m. They’d agreed on staying in bed until late, then take a walk around the park in the afternoon but, as usual, Jon had managed to do some last-minute adjustments to their plans.

It was almost 3.30 when June finally made it through the café’s door. A little delay wouldn’t hurt, and a quick glance around the room told her that she wasn’t that late after all: Jon was nowhere to be seen. Realizing what Jon might be up to almost made June giggle: could it be that that was what he meant with all the “starting all over again” thing? It made her stomach flutter with renewed anticipation and affection: it was yet another one of those sweet, oh-so-romantic little details that Jon just couldn’t help having, regardless whether the spotlight was on or off.

Instinctively, she peered outside through the window before turning her gaze back to the room: everything looked quite normal, except for the acrylic sign on “her” table that read “Reserved”.

“When did you start reserving tables?”, June asked the attendant casually after ordering her usual Café alla Panna, no sugar. She hadn’t been to the café in months, but the girl seemed to still remember her.
The brunette laughed politely as if June had just made a joke, and suggested: “Why don’t you sit down? I’ll take the coffee to your table”. June appreciated the unusual gesture, but the “Reserved” table seemed to be the only free table in the whole room. What a predicament. June stretched her neck to have a better look at the back of the room, but got the same result.
“Excuse me”, the attendant called June’s attention and she turned her head. “Maybe I took you for somebody else but…aren’t you June Cohen?”, the girl smiled nervously, doubting her own judgment.
June had been recognized in a number of occasions, but this girl had seen her a bunch of times, why was this happening now?
“Yes…you know my name?”, the writer’s reply was a hesitant half-question, still not sure what was the attendant’s point.
“Of course I do, I love your books”, the girl’s brown eyes twinkled when she grinned, but she seemed a little confused now, as if they were having two different conversations. “Somebody called…”, as soon as the girl hinted, June chuckled and shook her head at the realization. Of course. Having two brains in one body was not making her any smarter. The fact that Jon remembered the exact table caused June to feel moved and amused at the same time.
“I’m so sorry”, June laughed and slapped her forehead. “I guess I must have forgotten”, she explained in a chuckle while the girl strode towards the table, removing the acrylic and pulling the armchair out for June to sit. “Thank you”, June finally said with a gentle smile after sitting down.
“Sure. Just ask if you need anything else”
“Wait”, June exclaimed and fished her purse from inside her camel totter bag, “I haven’t…”
“It’s covered, ma’am”, the petite brunette’s tone was now amusedly patient, and June gave her a sheepish grin. No matter how devoted Jon was to reproducing the original details, there were other things about which he couldn’t help himself.

It was an unusually cold day for the beginning of November and June’s toes already felt like cold pebbles inside her boots. You want exactly the same? You got it, she thought while she unzipped her short, black leather boots. She sighed at the wonderful sensation of resting her stockinged feet on the warm surface of the radiator. That was one of the things she loved the most about that place. That and Billie Holiday playing on a loop in the background.

As soon as her coffee arrived, June slouched on the armchair, her fingers curled around the warm cup, and let her mind follow its natural ramblings. 

The conversation she’d had with Martin the previous afternoon was the first thing to rise. He was back in Germany, still determined to keep his job at the publishing house in Hong Kong, though he wouldn’t be able to actually return to the city. He had his mind already set on Japan, instead, a location exotic enough to satisfy his culturally avid nature and close enough to Hong Kong to make the logistic aspect easier for everyone at the office. June’s affection for her “partner in crime”, as they now called each other, had done nothing but grow after their adventure, though not in the direction that Martin would have preferred.  “I just need to put an ocean between me and you first”, he said the when they’d talked on the phone. His tone was half-playful but sincere, and June could tell that his intention was only to let her know that he was honoring not only their friendship, but also her relationship with Jon, relationship he’d come to respect after June explained to him how they’d evolved from being unlikely friends to accidental lovers to a serious relationship. The number of people June would trust her life with could be counted with the fingers in one hand, and Martin had become one of them.

Another of these people was Lipeng, what brought her to her house. June felt the tug of attachment, but immediately brushed it off. It was the right thing to do. Her living in Jon’s apartment was more the result of a conjuncture rather than of a conscious decision. At least on her part, though she held the suspicion that from the get-go Jon had intended for her to stay at the apartment indefinitely, but then it was only natural that they shared the same roof if they were expecting a child, so she’d come to terms with it. Lipeng and his family, on the other hand, had nothing…and everything she ever wanted was…now walking through the door.

A whiff of passion touched her from his mere presence in the room. His blue eyes scanned the room quickly and caught her eyes, but she turned her head to hide a small smile. He turned his as well, smiling with a certain humor before addressing the attendant and ordering his coffee.

If there was something Jon was unsuccessful at, was trying to go unnoticed, and his efforts to do so were as equally sweet as they were naïve: regardless of his high-profile career, Jon’s overwhelming male beauty effortlessly summoned the attention of everyone around him.  His wonderful blue eyes, his firm lips, his strong chin the perfectly chiseled nose not even Michelangelo would have been able to reproduce.

His attire was quite similar to the one June remembered he was wearing the first time they met there: light sweater, thigh-length leather jacket, blue jeans and worn-out boots, but then that was his usual, every day street-wear. Only his hair was shorter now, completely tucked underneath the black baseball cap, except for a few fugitive strands that stuck out on his nape. June couldn’t help but flashback to probably two years before, and Jon not only looked as if he hadn’t aged a day, he also managed to look as if time was moving backwards for him. Any normal person would look a little lived in a few months away from their 36th birthday, but not Jon.

While he waited, he continued to act as if he hadn’t noticed her, but the slight smirk on his lips told her that that wasn’t precisely the case, even a blind mind could have seen the bond that joined them. June turned her gaze to the window, tightening her lips to hold back a smirk.

She combed a strand of amber hair back into place with her fingers and adjusted one of the opal pins that held her hair loosely up, then fidgeted with the golden necklace with little emeralds that hung down to her breasts over the form-hugging gray sweater she was wearing. She placed a hand on her belly: she wasn’t evidently showing yet, but she knew her body, and how it was changing.

“Well…If it isn’t my brother’s boss…”, she said with an obviously ill-disguised indifference as she felt him approach the table. She was tapping her foot against the radiator to a rhythm that Jon recognized. “You’re late”.

A little smile, half a grin, flickered on Jon’s face. He was glad that she’d picked up on the game he proposed, and she was so good at playing this kind of games. He smiled again when he saw her feet on the radiator and instinctively gave her a smooch on the cheek, forgetting for a second the game they were playing. “I see you still like to play Cinderella…not tired of fairy tales yet?”, he asked breezily with a lopsided smirk after sitting down on the armchair on the opposite side of the table.

“I am, in fact…thinking about moving away from fiction”, June leaned forward with an equally amused smirk as she spoke secretively, finally confronting his aquamarine eyes with her emerald ones: “Real life is way more interesting”.

Jon chuckled: nothing could beat June’s optimism. “That’s a lot to say for a novelist”, he replied with a blindingly white smile.
“Well, you know…you meet people that make you believe in real life”, she reflected. June was certain that not even in a moment of divine inspiration could she have thought up a man like the one sitting in front of her right now.
Her words struck a chord in Jon’s heart, and it took him a moment to recover.
“And this ‘people’…”, he air-quoted, “…do you love him?”, he asked, bright blue mischievous eyes looking up from the rim of his coffee cup.
June chuckled at his well-founded confidence. “I’m crazy about him”.
“Lucky bastard”
June chuckled again and raised an eyebrow. “Are you hitting on me?”
“I just might be”, he raised one of his, making June smirk.
“I don’t think my brother would approve of that”
“I’m sure he’s well aware of my intentions”
“Is he now?”, June faked suspicion. “And what did he say?”
“That I don’t know what I’m gettin’ into…that you’re a pain in the ass”, he teased, making June chortle. “But I think he was just tryin’ to discourage me”
“That sounds like him”, June agreed with a wide, affectionate smile and took a sip from her cup. “He doesn’t seem to have succeeded, though”, she added.
“Not even close”, Jon grinned, unable to prevent self-satisfaction from tainting his tone.

They both cracked up simultaneously at the imaginary conversation between Jon and June’s brother that had happened nowhere but inside Jon’s head. An alternative course of events had that conversation actually taken place briefly flashed through their minds.

June was the first to speak, decided to carry on with the charade. “So how’s life? Busy lately?”
“It doesn’t suck…it doesn’t suck at all”, he answered with genuine self-satisfaction and set his cup back on the table. “But…”, he leant forward, making sure he spoke low enough not to be overheard. “Whadda ya say I get those pretty feet back in those cute little boots o’yours and invite you to dinner? We could catch up…I might need your opinion on something…”.
“Are you asking me out on a date?”, June feigned surprise and sat back on her armchair.
“You can call it that if you want, yeah”
“I dunno…Don’t you think this is moving a little too fast?”, she teased, making Jon chuckle throatily.
“Well…”, he paused for dramatic effect, “…I’ve kept you waiting long enough I think. And you should be aware that patience is not precisely one of my virtues”, he said, tightening a smile as he placed his hands on her thighs under the table. “Say yes and I’ll let it go as fast…or as slow as you want to”, the sensual undertone in Jon’s husky low voice produced a warm rush to run through June’s veins.
“Apparently it’s your lucky day, then…I´m in fast and furious mode today”, she winked before sipping what was left of her coffee and intently licking the thin layer of cream that covered her upper lip, making Jon’s groin tighten inside his jeans.

“Nice cane”, he commented after he finished zipping up her boots and offered his hand to help June stand from the armchair, then held her long brown woolen coat as she slipped it over her tight gray sweater.
“Yes it is…but as much as I like it I hope I won’t have to use it for too long”, June’s comment was truthful as she hooked her arm in the crooked arm Jon was offering.
“You’ve been gettin’ yourself into trouble, I see”, he remarked, unable to hide a slightly scolding tone that made June roll her eyes, Jon would probably never let her off the hook with that. “You sure you wanna hear that story?”, she challenged, seriously, knowing that Jon would want to keep that subject out of the little game they were playing.
“As good a story teller as you are, I think I’m gonna pass on that one today”, he grimaced.

“You look good”, he turned to June after giving the cabbie the address, as if they hadn’t seen each other in months, but he really meant it as a compliment. She looked gorgeous. Most of the scratches on her pretty face were gone, leaving a few barely noticeable rosy lines crisscrossing her right cheek, except for one half-inch scar in her forehead next to her hairline that seemed to be there to stay as a reminder of the danger she’d exposed herself to. A reminder, as if she needed any more.
“Well, you know…I was waiting for someone at the café, but you showed up instead”, she teased.
“Lucky me”, he grinned.

During the ride, Jon noticed the cabbie’s incredulous look on the rearview mirror and wondered what he might be making of their conversation, so he decided it was better to keep quiet until the end of their trip.

Just listening to the address had given June the hint about where they were headed, but she only confirmed it when they finally arrived. “Jean-Georges?”, she said, recognizing the restaurant where June had attended a lunch Jon had organized the previous year. Her voice had that air of worldly knowledge that had always attracted him.
“You like Asian, I like French”, he explained with a shrug and a firm-lipped self-satisfied smile that was quite appealing, trying to give a reasonable explanation for his choice, though he knew June remembered. “I thought it could work”.
“Interesting”, she added, trying to sound unimpressed but touched by the amount of thought Jon had put in every little detail. As it was turning out, their meeting was quickly diverting from the original course of events, which made June’s stomach flutter with expectation.

Once inside, they were received by a neatly dressed red-haired tall woman, but after leaving their coats, they weren’t lead towards the back of the room next to the garden like the previous time, they were taken along a short hallway that led to a private garden with a glass roof under which lay a profusion of perfectly arranged flowers and trees in planters. It smelled and felt like spring inside the space, even when it was cold outside. In the center lay a round table with an apricot tablecloth and dishware in the same color palette. There was a short vase with tulips and wheatgrass at the center of the table, next to which was a mysterious little white box with a silver silk ribbon tied around it.  Two elegant cream-velvet-upholstered chairs were placed side by side facing the floor-to-ceiling window that looked onto another private garden outside. A subtle light set made the atmosphere even warmer and welcoming.

“The drinks are on the side table as you requested, sir”, the red-hair indicated professionally. “And here is the remote. Just press the button whenever you need us”, she said and Jon smiled appreciatively. What he’d planned for the rest of the evening was not something he was ready to share with anybody else, especially not with strangers.

Jon pressed play on the remote control and Carly Simon’s Loving you is the right thing to do immediately started flowing from the hidden speakers. June couldn’t help but mouth the first words.

“I see you’ve done your homework”, she complimented, though well aware that there were no secrets to her musical taste, which had even filtered through in the characters of her novels.

“Guilty as charged”, Jon grinned. “Now let me guess…”, Jon took his index to his temple and squeeze his eyes as if trying to read June’s mind, then opened one eye. “Tea? No, no, lime water?”
June chuckled at the fact that he didn’t offer alcohol, as he would have normally. “Lime water sounds good”, she said, and gave her head a soft, graceful toss as he poured the drink in a tall glass.

They looked at each other conspiratorially as he poured himself a glass of white wine.
“So…”, he began with an amused smirk, making the amber liquid swirl inside his cup before taking a sip.
“So…”, was all she said. “What was it you wanted to ask me about? You said you needed my opinion on something?”, she asked so casually it was scary.
He drew in a short breath. He’d planned on bringing the subject up later, but once again, June had beaten him to it.  “Alright”, he chuckled and changed his tone. “I know this girl who’s thinking about giving her house to a controversial Chinese writer so he and his family can settle down in the States…”, his voice quavered a bit, as it had when June had informed him of her decision only a few days before. He propped his elbow on the armrest of the chair and leaned towards her. “Some time ago I bought this land by the river bank in Jersey…I was thinking about building a house there and asking her to move in with me”. Jon couldn’t help but a smirk to curl the left corner of his plump lips when he saw June fighting to hide her surprised reaction.
But June was able to recover. “That’s so…charitable of you”, her tone was slightly playful, but her capacity for keeping up with the ruse was growing weaker with each one of Jon’s words. “You sound like you might be in love with her”, she challenged, their faces only inches apart.
“Head over heels”, he breathed, his eyes like liquid blue flame falling to her rosy parted lips. “Whadda ya say?”, he asked, seriously this time, with convincingly puckered lips.

She remained silent, and it surely looked like one of June’s long silences that finished in a burst of fast talking. She finally replied with a gaze that said yes as clearly as words could have said it, and with a tenderness that words couldn’t have been able to express. They held each other’s gaze for a long minute, both fighting the urge to attack the other’s lips, but not wanting to spoil the magic of the moment at the same time.
“I still don’t know why you want my opinion…”, she began seriously. “…I’m not an interior designer”, she whispered her clarification tightening a smile.
Jon chuckled and bit his lower lip. “That’s ‘cause the house is not what I wanted your opinion about…”, he explained, “…what I want your opinion about is this”. He fetched the mysterious white box and placed it on the table in front of June. It immediately sunk in what he was doing. No, no, no. June’s jaw dropped. “Take it”, he ordered with a slight smirk of satisfaction at finally being able to astonish her. 

“Cat got your tongue?”, he asked after a long minute.
“Have you gone mad?” He can’t be serious. Too soon. Way too soon, he wasn’t even divorced yet, for Christ’s sake. She swallowed, but decided that given the fact that she couldn’t trust her own body right now, including her brain, it would be wiser to double-check. “What is it supposed to mean?”
“Open it”
“No”, she said dryly, placing her glass on the table. “You can’t be serious”, she chortled with a genuinely bewildered frown and stood up as if she were ready to run out the door.
“What are you saying?”, he frowned, standing up and wrapping his fingers around her wrists as if trying to prevent her from running away. Not that he was overconfident, but that was certainly not the reaction he had envisioned.
Jon’s madness justified stopping pretending, and June stammered her words: “But you…we   can’t-“
“Baby, I know we still…can’t, but still…it just feels right that you wear it. It’s a symbol, a symbol of my commitment to you and our baby”. He paused to gauge June’s reaction and noticed that she unconsciously released her hand to place it on her stomach at the mention of their unborn child. Moment of truth.

“You don’t have to do this, Jon”, she began with an ironic, self-deprecating soft chuckle. “The baby…I…I got sick and I could have done something and I didn’t…I shouldn’t have made the decision on my own. I don’t know what I was thinking, I don’t know what got into me and now this…What are we doing here? Tell me, we need to talk about this before we wake up and ask ourselves the exact same question, only it will be too late by then”.

“June”, he chuckled incredulously and cupped June’s chin with his hand, motioning for her to face to him. “Are you...? This is insane…look at me, LOOK at me: when your brother told me I was gonna become a daddy again was one of the scariest and most wonderful moment of my life and I couldn’t be happier that it’s with you that it’s happening, you got that? And baby, I’m so grateful for you not doing anything to prevent it”, he encouraged, his blue eyes almost popping out of his face. “Just ‘cause things happen that you don’t plan for doesn’t mean they’re not good…I love you and you love me and I’m not gonna let you back out on that, ya hear me?”, his husky, deep voice was packed with faux-threatening tone.

“But truth is that people can back out on it”, she said, seriously, reminding Jon that promises of forever and ever belonged only in the pages of fairy tales. “I believe we both have plenty of proofs of that.”
“Not if I can prevent it, and I’m determined to get it right this time. I’m gonna be here for as long as you need me…whether you want it or not. And you know I can be as stubborn as I have to be”. He pulled her close to him and held her tightly, his chin on her crown.
Still on the verge of tears but with a much lighter heart, June added against his chest: “It’s so...bizarre, so overwhelming. If I’d been feeling like this there’s no reason to think you weren’t going through the same thing.”
Jon chuckled with a tight-lipped smile and pulled away to look down into her eyes, she responded by lifting her face up. “Baby, you’ve known me for long enough to know that if there’s something bothering me I can do nothing to conceal it”, he reminded.
She smiled softly. “But I didn’t know you… like this, everything’s changed…and I have changed, too” 
“Yeah…but for the better, don’t you think?”, his overwhelmingly honest tone washed away what was left of June’s doubt.
The little smile she gave him seemed to satisfy him, but he continued. “I can’t say what’s gonna happen, but I love you SO much, I know that for sure”, he finished and captured her lips with his. They held each other tight for a few moments until June let out a deep sigh of relief.

“Now will you do me a favor and open the fucking box?”. Jon’s faux-whine and impatient tone made June chortle. “It doesn’t mean you have to sign any papers…for now”, he finished with a raised eyebrow.
June couldn’t help a small laugh to escape her lips at Jon’s mild threat, but remained pensive for a long moment as undid the ribbon and pulled the black box that was contained inside the white one. After opening the black box, she examined the delicate sparkling rock of the ring for a moment before putting it back inside the box, then put it back inside the white one and tied the ribbon around it. With a finger she pushed it to the center of the table again. “I’m sure she’ll love it, Jon, and that she’ll be proud to wear it”, she said, a warm smile splitting her face in half as she resumed their playful ruse and sat down.

By the end of the dinner, the illusion was almost complete, and Jon had, once again, succeeded. It did feel like a fresh start. It just felt…right, to finally see an open road laying ahead of them, one they’d be walking shoulder to shoulder.

“Let me raise a toast”, Jon finally suggested, raising his unfinished glass of wine.
“What to?”, June encouraged, raising her own glass.
“To those people who no matter how late they arrive…”, he paused to grin and wink, “…make it feel like the right moment. And most of all…make every moment feel like the right one”.
Suddenly all those years they’d known each other felt like an instant and a century at the same time. June smiled and bit her lower lip. “Here’s to finding the person we rhyme with”, she finally said with a wide smile.
Jon swallowed when his heart throbbed at June’s choice of words. “I couldn’t have said it better, beautiful…Cheers to that”, he said before their glasses met in the air.

After they placed their glasses on the table, he silently fetched the white box once again and recovered the diamond ring from its velvet nest. He took her hand in his and buried his stare in the green depths of her eyes as he slid the ring on her finger. Once he secured it at the base of her finger, he placed a soft kiss on the ring and raised his gaze back up to meet June’s misty eyes. He smiled warmly and placed another soft kiss, this time on her lips.

“I love you”, she was the first to break the silence, and he replied with the same words and warmness in his voice.

A while later, Jon put his arms around June to protect her from the chilly wind that hit them as soon as they walked out of the restaurant. It was time to go home, but the ruse was too much fun to let it go to waste.

“So what’s next?”, she asked, with a little smirk tugging at the corners of her lips, as if they were just a couple in one of their first dates.

As they usually did in every defining moment in Jon’s life, Sinatra’s words came to his mind:
“I dunno…What are you doing the rest of your life?”




12.5.13

040


June floundered in dirty water over her head, flailing upward to find air. Finally her head broke surface and she gasped for breath but emerged, instead, among a sea of sheets and pillows. The room was dark, lightless and June gasped at the sudden feel of warm arms tightening around her. It was only when he spoke with a soothing, low, thick voice that she realized it was Jon embracing her.

“It’s alright, baby…shhh… I’m here.”

Still hugging her tightly with one arm, he stretched the other one to turn the bedside lamp on and looked at her: her hair, damp with cold sweat, clung to the soft angles of her face and her green street-light eyes looked at him as if she didn’t believe he was really there. Her feet and hands felt icy. Without saying a word she drew a troubled breath and snuggled against his bare chest, one hand nested in the valley between his chiseled pecs. He responded by pulling her closer and stroke her hair as he spoke.

“Another one?”, his question was more like a statement, since June just didn’t seem to be able to shake off the bad dreams she’d been having since they’d returned from Hong Kong. She nodded silently and passed a trembling hand over her face.

“Wanna talk about it?”, he insisted, but June’s response was a silent shake of her head as Jon tried to think of a way to distract her from the disturbing thoughts he knew were surely swirling in her mind.

“Talk to me, baby. Don’t hold it inside…”, he tried convincingly, becoming less sure that she would tell him with every moment of silence that passed by. His hands arched to run down her bare back, then over her hips covered by her flower-patterned panties.

Thus far, June had learnt how to separate her memories from her bad dreams, and it wasn’t that she didn’t want to share her thoughts with Jon, after all, she knew that no matter how deep inside herself she hid, but Jesus, inviting him in now would be like having a guest over at a house where everything had been turned upside down. She needed to think first.  

“I’m gonna get some tea”, she announced, gently disengaging herself from his arms. “Go back to sleep”, she sniffed as she sat on the edge of the bed. She reached for the matching spaghetti-strap tank-top that lay on the upholstered black chair by the side of the bed and, after  putting it on, moved to stand up, but two hands on her hips kept her butt firmly into place.

No, June, baby”, his voice was firm and she felt him move behind her on the bed. “This HAS GOT to stop…”, he said next to her ear before his hands seized her shoulders and made her turn to face him. “Look at you, you pick at your meals, you’re muddled with lack of sleep, you wake up whimpering or shaking or screaming…Christ…this can’t be good for you or the baby…, think about it.”

He was damn right, and when Jon was right, he would let you know it until you wanted to scream. For a long moment, she stared at him with a deep frown of internal struggle: as frightening as her nightmares/thoughts were, how Jon melted her defenses frightened her even more.

She drew in a long breath and, with an effort, she pushed the words out of her mouth in a barely audible voice.

“It’s just something I need to figure out…on my own”, she spoke softly, caressing his cheek.

“But it’s we now, remember? And sometimes we have to admit that there are things we can’t face alone”, he pursed his lips and knitted his eyebrows. “It’s hard for me, too, to see you like this”. If he knew more he would know what to say, but as it was, all he could do was keep trying, though he knew that June wouldn’t voice her thoughts until every piece of the puzzle fell into place inside her head.

June turned her head and gave him a small, appreciative smile. “I know, believe me…but these past few days have been…quite a lot to take in, you know?”, she chuckled in spite of herself: it was more like she had been thrown head-first in a life that no long ago was an impossible future. She raked a hand through her still slightly damp hair, letting the light-brown bangs cascade down either side of her face.

Jon couldn’t help but a slight cringe to draw on his face: maybe it hadn’t been the best idea to  pack the apartment with practically every member of the Bongiovi clan on Sunday. June was well acquainted with everyone in Jon's family and the transition towards the new circumstances were almost seemless, but the fact that June was constrained to the couch, therefore concentrating even more attention, had put her nerve to the test.

"I'm a little overwhelmed, that's all." Not that Jon hovered or pressed her in any way, but since she herself couldn't go too far, she was somewhat looking forward to him going away for a couple of days so she could have some room to try and put her thoughts back into place. "I'm working on it".

“Come 'ere”, he whispered and leant back on the pillows against the headboard, pulling up the sheets and so she could slide under them and lean against his chest, wrapping one arm around his thin waist. He covered both of them up to the waist with the soft sheets and circled her shoulders with his arms, his hands laced on her middle back. After a moment, he expressed his frustration with a sharp sigh. “You sure there's nothing I can do? I hate to have to leave you like this”, 

"You can't save me from myself, Jon", she chortled ironically but also with frustration at the tangled ball of threads that was her own mind at that moment. 

“Tell me about it", he snorted and heard his father’s words in his mind: Jonny, there are things that a woman keeps only to herself. Sometimes she might share it with another woman, but never with a man.  No matter how deep your connection is. "Can you at least promise that you’re gonna be a good girl and take care of yourself?”, he asked against her hair, not without a certain resignation at his helplessness. 

She nodded silently.

“Honest? Not like the last time I left you?”, he teased mildly, and craned his head to look down to her, shaking her slightly to emphasize his words.

“Cross my heart”

Unable to draw the cross on her own chest, that was crashed against Jon’s, she draw it in the air with her finger.

“I’m gonna be alright…”, she added. “I might stay at John’s tomorrow night...now that mom and dad are gone”

Jon groaned his disagreement. “You should stay here, in bed…rest some more, wait until your leg heals. It’ll be nice to find you here when I get back home”.

June’s mock protest came out in the form of a sharp blow of air, and she raised her gaze to Jon’s, propping her chin on his left pec. “Bored to death?”.

Jon chuckled, pleased at June’s change of mood towards a lighter one.

“What are you gonna do at your brother’s apartment that you can’t do here? He’s coming with me…and my Nintendo is better than his”, he teased, biting the tip of his tongue and making June laugh softly and roll her eyes at his competitive, childish remark.

“I’m planning on meeting with the girls in the afternoon… it’s better if we meet at John’s place”

“But this is your house, now. You can bring ‘em ‘ere”, he suggested, stroking her cheek reassuringly.

“No, it’s not my house…this is technically your house”, she countered softly.

“Well, technically, my apartment is my children’s as well, and one of them is living inside you right now so technically, this is your house, too. Or better yet…this is our house. Are we clear?”, he finished with a faux-authoritarian tone, but his words were clearly heartfelt.

“Yes, Sir”, June tried a playful tone, but her voice betrayed the lump in her throat. “’sides…”, she resumed the more playful side of their conversation, “…with what face am I gonna look at you and tell you we spoiled your expensive carpet with Margaritas? John’s already a mess so I don’t mind”, she shrugged.

Jon laughed throatily, knowing that the hardest drink June would be taking was probably green tea, and also that any attempt at convincing her to change her mind would be nothing but an exercise in futility. “You know that if you look at me with the same face that I have in front of me right now I could forgive pretty much everything”, he said with a pucker, tracing her silky lower lip with his calloused index, forcing June to instinctively suck her lip into her mouth to avoid the ticklish feeling. 

For a moment she stared at him, thinking that it just wasn't normal to look that good after being woken up in the middle of the night. Then, noticing how his pupils became dark fire behind his lowered lids, she chuckled softly.

“You need to sleep, baby…”, she suggested with an amused smirk at his seductive stare. It wasn't precisely the middle of the night: the digital alarm clock on the nightstand read 6:03 a.m. and Jon would be resuming his solo tour schedule later that day. They had probably had no more than three hours of sleep, and the sunlight was already making its way into the bedroom through the edges of the curtains.

"Nooo...I need to be with you now, make you feel better", he whispered suggestively, tightening his embrace, making June chuckle softly and press a kiss against his pec where her cheek had been a moment before. “And I love it when you call me baby, by the way”, he said, clasping her head with one hand and pulling it closer to his lips so he could press a wet kiss against her forehead.

June couldn't help but a small, appreciative moan to rumble in her throat at Jon's affectionate gesture. 

“You know...baby...", June began with a sweet, soft tone, lifting her face so she could dive into the deep blue sea of his eyes. "I’ve been thinking about going back to the cabin, spend a few days there before it gets too cold”

“Deal", he replied hastily. "I could use a little rest after the tour is over, have you all for myself”

“You already have me all for yourself...", she clarified with a soft chortle. "But I didn’t say you could come with me”, she teased.

“Really? And what happened the last time you tried to hide from me over there?", he challenged playfully, sparing no arrogance. "I got there first, ha”, he finished with a grin.

June buried her face on Jon's shoulder to silence her soft laughter but sighed meaningfully in the end.

Her hands went now to his face and he caught her wrist gently in his hand, meeting her eyes with a gaze that made her bristle: it frightened and amazed her how he could love her the way he did, and how she herself was able to love someone that much. What defense could she offer? 

Lifting herself slightly up, June pressed her lips on the beauty mark on his right cheek, next to his nose, as she felt his hands snake tightly around her. When their lips met, the kiss was hungry, almost desperate, and their tongues seemed to have a life of their own.

They only parted for an instant to allow Jon to pull her tank-top over her head. Then he gently rolling her over so she lay on her back, and with one hand he gently pulled her panties down her legs.  and crawled on top of her. Cupping her head with both hands, he resumed the kiss and flowed into her already wet, wet core, filling her, starting a fire inside her that burned all the disturbing visions and replaced them with fresh new images of pure, utter bliss.


In the edge of consciousness she felt him kiss her on the cheek and leave the bed, but was  helplessly fast asleep the second she rolled over.

When she finally woke up, she couldn’t get herself to open her eyes for a few minutes. No bad dream had woken this time, but her body told her it was still not enough so she tried to remain in bed to have some rest, if not mental, at least physical. Eyes still closed, she wrapped herself tighter in the sheets that still smelled of sex and Jon’s after-shave. Groaning softly at the comforting sensation, she turned to his side of the bed and pulled his pillow to her with the purpose of burying her face in it and inhaling whatever was left of him, but the sound of crumbling paper made her snap her eyes open.

‘Tonight I'll meet you in my dreams. See you son. Love, Me’ read the note. It was his unmistakable minute, uneven handwriting.

The note made her heart skip a beat. For him, for the baby and for herself, she had to get her shit together. 

She started by showering, then forced herself to eat a bowl of yogurt and muesli. Despite her determination at changing her frame of mind, she felt light-headed and weak and simply fussy: on top of the morning sickness, however mild it was, the injured muscle hurt and the scar was still a little tender and itchy. She had to wait four more days for the stitches to be removed. By the look of it, the scar would probably stay as a reminder of the danger she’d exposed herself to. As if she needed any more.

She had arranged for the girls to arrive at John’s place at 6 p.m., so she still had a few hours ahead of her. The previous days she had tried to read, but couldn't get past five pages, not even of her favorite books. However, today she felt ready to face something she had managed to avoid until now. 

Having lost her cell-phone in the rush of the flight from Lipeng’s village, June had kept her important communications through fixed numbers, John’s or Jon’s, completely neglecting her e-mail inbox. First, she made a mental note to buy a new cell-phone. She had the impulse to call her assistant, but remembered that she was still in Hong Kong helping out at the office. Afterwards, she double-clicked on the Outlook Express icon on Jon’s computer and adjusted the settings so it would download her Yahoo! account correspondence. It took the program a few minutes for the program to complete the operation, but as the list grew bigger and bigger, June’s jaw began to drop at some of the names that appeared in the sender’s column. It was a blast from the past.

The first one she opened was Adrianna’s, her high-school friend whose father had taken them to that Bon Jovi concert back in 1987, when June and Jon first met, a little more than ten years ago.

I know we haven’t talked in a while…I have to admit that I was shocked by the news, but you look so happy, was the first sentence of the e-mail, enough to make June shed a thick melancholy tear. It turned out that Adrianna had been married for four years, had a two-year-old daughter and had been hired by the New York branch of Deutsch Bank.  She’d be moving to Manhattan in less than a month. Another tear, but of happiness now, ran down June’s cheek as she wrote her reply.

Receiving one from Michael, her high-school sweet-heart, seemed like a really bad joke considering he had practically avoided acknowledging she ever existed since they’d broken up, but the content sounded pretty much like Michael.  

Saw the news. Surreal. Glad to hear you’re OK.

As brief as it was, the small gesture was somewhat moving in the end, it must have taken him quite a lot of effort. Nevertheless, she replied as plainly.

Winston seemed to be pretending nothing had happened since the last time they saw each other, when he stormed out of her house after acting like a complete asshole.

You crazy girl! Do I have to read the newspapers to find out what you’re up to? I still have the same phone number! I’m flying to NY next week, let me take you out to dinner.

She rolled her eyes, she didn’t have space in her mind to deal with it right now, and it was time to check up on Lipeng and his family, who were staying at a hotel in Greenwich Village. In his voice she could hear the bitterness that arises when someone leaves a place that is specially cherished to them but that can no longer be so. Even before hanging up the phone, June already knew what she had to do: they had nothing, and she had everything, even more than she could ask for. And it was not only them, June also thought about how many others might be in the same situation as Lipeng had been, afraid or unable to talk or leave the country. There were also those who did risk it and made it to the other side alive, only to live the life of a poor refugee, an outcast, with no chance to offer their families the better, brighter future they had envisioned.

When she finished the rather lengthy conversation with her lawyer, she could barely hold back her excitement: it would be her Christmas present to the family, and the least she felt she could do after all Lipeng had taught her, after all he’d made her see through his words and his ideas. Yes, it was the right thing to do.

She was completely absorbed in going through the rest of her messages when Celia knocked on the desk door, well past 1 p.m., to offer her lunch. June's appetite was still playing hide-and-seek, but she was able to power through the chicken salad and stuffed mushrooms.

At 5.34 p.m., she headed for the door.

“Are you sure you can walk Ms. June?”, asked Celia as June passed by the kitchen door with a grimace of pain on her face that silently answered the question. June accepted the curly-haired woman’s help all the way to the end of the hall.

Propped against the dark-wooden door of the reception’s wardrobe was what looked like a white, organic-looking cane. It was wider on the bottom, with a thin, elegant body and became wider again at the top transforming into a sort of stylized white petal that apparently embraced the wrist while the handle was shaped like the elegant bud of an abstract white flower. She took it with one hand and undid the red bow tied around the base of the “petal” before reading the note attached to it. To use ONLY until you reach the sidewalk. Call a cab.

She examined it for another minute, discovering the small, dark-gray letters of the brand Starck. June was familiar with the work of the famous French designer and the item she was holding in her hand made perfect sense with the rest of his work. She shook her head, containing a chuckle: the fact that her leg hurt just a little was barely an excuse for such a valuable present. A present she wasn’t even hoping to have to use for too long, in the end, but she admitted that at least it would make of the new stage in her recovery a less awkward experience.

A couple of tears were shed when June and her friends reunited at her brother's apartment, but the ghost of what could have happened quickly left, and in came the excitement and enjoyment that characterized the little group’s get-togethers.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you again, June, but maybe these can”, Hayley spoke cheerfully with a wide, white grin, lifting the cover of the white box after they finally sat down around the impressive tempered-glass table of John’s apartment dining-room. June almost squeaked with excitement at being faced with Hayley’s trademark bisques and quickly extended her hand towards the box, but the blonde let the cover drop before June could get a hold of one of the pastries.

“No, this is for dessert…AND…are you still gonna pretend NOTHING has changed?”, her tone was half-playful, half-serious. She had, at first, been somewhat hurt by June hiding the juicy story, but in the end, she had understood and even respected her friend’s decision. “When last I looked you were absolutely single and moving to an exotic country, now a little over four months afterwards you’re back in New York expecting the child of a multi-millionaire - married for all we know - rock-god? Nuh-uh, girl. Not gonna happen. Spill the beans”, she finished with a tone of mock-defiance, earning herself a loud chorus of support from the rest of the girls. In reality, none of them had let June’s decision dent their friendship.

June burst out in laughter and shook her head, then smiled conspiratorially at Diane, who’d been gracious enough to pretend she had learnt at the same time as the rest. At least the first part, cause June had kept mum about her and Jon's reconciliation. 

“Why don’t we set the table first and I’ll tell you over dinner? I’m starving”, was June's plea.

We will set the table, you will sit down”, Diane commanded lightly as she moved for her injured friend to sit on one of the cream upholstered chairs by the dining table.

“Starck…”, Laura, who was an interior designer, exclaimed appreciatively as she took June’s stylish cane from her hand after she sat down. “Only he can make a cane look like a work of art”, she added as her eyes took in every slick line of the glossy white item, and her hands felt the feathery lightness of its weight. She returned it to June before speaking again. “You don’t have to say anything, June. We all respect your decision of keeping it under wraps…It must have been difficult for you, both of you”, she added almost secretively while the rest were hard at work setting the dishes and trays full of June’s favorite food. 

“That means a lot, Laura. Thank you”, June smiled appreciatively at the pretty short woman with crazy brown hair and a twinkle in her dark eyes, but all of a sudden, a whiff of one of the trays made June grimace with revulsion.

“What? What is it?”, Hayley asked with concerned noticing her friend’s reaction to one of her favorite salads.

“Oh God, I think it’s the cucumber and celery salad”, June clarified, stretching her neck back as if trying to put as much distance as she could from her nose and the tray. “The celery…I can’t stand it anymore”.

Hayley quickly removed the tray and handed it over to Diane who took it to the kitchen. “So no morning sickness but instead a strong aversion to celery? How funny!”, the statuesque woman chortled.

“I’m sorry, Hayley…I should’ve told you…”, June smiled sheepishly. The fact that the baby was changing her in ways she didn’t expect made her stomach flutter with a mixture of expectation and anxiety.

“No sweat”, Hayley flung a lazy hand at her and went on with her task of opening the bottle of wine.

“I’m still ALL in for your bisques, though”, June reminded the lovely blonde, who gave her a wink and proceded to take her place on one of the chairs, before pouring herself a glass of wine. Diane and Laura followed. The women started passing around the trays and filling their dishes with portions of the delicious food.

“So…where were we? This gorgeous man was unofficially back on the market…his impending divorce was an open secret…and he seeked the comfort of a friend, huh?", Hayley prompted.

"If you call that comforting a friend...", Laura spoke in a chuckle and they all laughed.

June admitted to herself that there was anything wrong in being just a tad less serious, but sharing her story - our story, Jon’s voice clarified in her head - was proving much more difficult than she thought.

June gave herself a minute to mentally outline and edit first, then focused on the sneaking around to keep the story-telling entertaining and light, making her friends burst out in laughter with some of the anecdotes.

“You know what it’s like…when you connect with someone at such a deep level…you can only fight it for so long”, she finished, her heart throbbing as she allowed herself to be filled with a weave of amazement at the miracle of love. “I guess that what they say it’s true: distance is like the wind: it puts out the small fires, but makes the big fires even bigger.” Her blissful smile touched her friends’ hearts, but only Diane picked up on the fact that the glassy eyes weren’t a product of her apparent state of grace.

A joyful but respectful silence followed.

“That was fucking beautiful, my friend”, began Hayley enthusiastically with the objective of further pumping up the general spirits. “I say we raise our glasses…”, she stood up and lifted her glass of wine, drawing an arch with her arm in the air in front of her. “…To love…and friendship…which, to make it clear to everyone…”, she looked at June with a faux-reproving smirk on her bright-red lips, “…means not having to learn about your friend’s love life through the tabloids”.

Another chorus of agreement followed before they clinked glasses.

“Now…we might be ready for the bisques”, Hayley finally announced, eliciting a small round of applause from the rest of the women.

“So what about the book? Are you still going to publish it?”, Diane asked before taking a bite of the delicacy in her mouth.

“Of course”, said June after she finished swallowing her own bite. “We still have a few months ahead of us but after all the international media buzz some organizations have contacted us, offering their support”, her eyes shone again with determination. “There must be a way of helping other people in Lipeng’s situation and I’m going to find that way, sooner or later. I’ll talk to whoever wants to listen.”

“I just hope that you don’t start illegally crossing borders for a living”, Hayley teased, her fist pressed beneath her chin. The rest of the women chortled at the outrageous idea.

“No, not if I can do it the right way”, June explained, still a little amused, as she whipped her lips with a paper napkin. "This time I had to do it this way ‘cause I didn’t have the support or attention I have now”, she explained wishfully, pondering the possibilities of helping others the new circumstances offered.

“Everybody says the book’s gonna be explosive”, Laura added, remembering what she’d seen on the news. June couldn’t help but a rush of excitement to rattle in her veins.

“Hopefully. Lipeng didn’t withhold any information to himself. And the way he writes…I just hope it doesn’t get lost in translation”, the writer added. 

It was Hayley’s turn to ask now. “But legally, I mena, what’s your situation? And theirs?”

“I think none of us is gonna be able to avoid some sort of penalization for crossing the border, maybe won’t be able to travel for a while…”, June explained, without a shadow of regret in her voice: even if the outcome hadn’t been as successful, it would still have been worth the shot.

“Isn’t the Chinese government going to prosecute?”, continued Hayley as she poured herself another glass of red wine.

June shook her head. “They can’t beyond their borders…AND doing that will only bring more attention to the book”.

“And I’m guessing they don’t want that…”, added Diane. “I’m also sure that when the book is finally published they’re gonna find a way to discredit it”.

The other three women agreed in unison and the conversation soon drifted away from June, but it didn’t go unnoticed to Diane how her friend kept peering at her teacup like a fortune-teller at a fair.

After Laura and Hayley left, well past 10 p.m., Diane sat down next to June on the couch, propping one elbow on the back, holding her head with a graceful hand under her jaw. She was going to stay over at John’s apartment to keep June company, but there was one issue she needed to address before they went to bed.

“Have you been getting enough sleep lately?”, Diane asked with concern. “And by this I’m not implying that Jon’s a stud”, she clarified with a smirk, making June chuckle in spite of herself.

“No, in fact, I haven’t”

“Bad dreams?”

June nodded silently, pursing her lips.

“Recurrent?”

“Yup”

“What about?”

“Drowning, that’s all I can remember, but then in the end I can make it out of the water. It’s very…specific”

“Then it’s the post-traumatic effect, honey”, encouraged Diane. “They will go away sooner than you think”.

“But the dreams…they’re not my memories, D, I think it’s my own thoughts. I am drowning…in all this, in the present or the future, I don’t even know which is which anymore”, she explained, confident now that what stalked her dreams was also what harrowed her waking thoughts and chased her awake too soon to rest.

“Go on…”, Diane's voice was soft now as she realized that what she'd intuited was only the tip of the iceberg.

“I was used to outlining my plans and follow them through and now…in less than three weeks I’ve had to practically redesign my entire life…”, her trail of thought was coherent and clear, but the slight hesitation in her voice implied that she was debating whether to voice her thoughts.  “I need to get the reigns of my life back”, unshed tears shone in June’s eyes as Diane now rubbed her back reassuringly.

“And you need to feel that you’re the one calling the shots…”, Diane voiced the words that seemed to have frozen in June’s lips. “…not somebody else or the circumstances”.

June nodded silently and sighed appreciatively at her friend's ability for understanding.

“However…that I can handle…What really bugs me is that I have made decisions for other people…”, she finished almost audibly, with a tinge of guilt.

“I’m sure you didn’t point a gun at anybody’s head…”, Diane's tone was almost amused at first, but after getting no feedback from June, it suddenly changed. “…did you?”, she asked doubtfully, still wondering what her friend was trying to get at.

June couldn’t help but chuckle at her friend’s suggestion. “I would have if I had to, but no, it’s…God”, she groaned self-scoldingly and paused to give herself encouragement to keep talking. If she wanted to get better, she had to talk about it, now, and Diane was the one person in the world that could be trusted with such an intimate confession. “Remember when Martin and I got food poisoning?…”,  she paused and waited for Diane’s nod. “I…should’ve known better…I should’ve known! I’m not a teenager for Christ’s sake...”, she chuckled ironically, and pressed her palm against her forehead.

Diane’s stomach clenched into a knot. “June…are you having second thoughts about the preg-?”

“God, no Diane, for Christ’s sake”, she exploded. “I didn't even have first thoughts about it, but ...what if Jon thinks I did, that I wanted it to happen?"

“And has he demanded any kind of explanation?”

“No. Not yet, at least, and if he does, I don’t have any, no excuse at all”, she raised her hands in surrender. "Everything seems so exciting, so new now but later, one day, he might ask himself how the hell it happened if I was supposed to be taking the pill”

“And do you trully believe you could have done anything to prevent it? I’ve heard the most unlikely stories. Maybe the food poisoning didn’t have anything to do with it, maybe it was just a coincidence and the result would be exactly the same.” Diane's tone was truthful and encouraging.

June remained quiet for a long minute as she processed Diane's words. “You do have a point there, D.” She had, indeed, followed the same reasoning, but in the turmoil of the past few days, it was reassuring to confirm that it was actually reasonable and not just her mind playing tricks on her, trying to find a way to excuse her apparent negligence. 

“Then let me tell you one more thing, although I’m sure you already know: it takes two to tango, baby…and if he was trying so hard NOT to get you pregnant then he shouldn’t have gone to the party and fucked you in the terrace of the hotel, out in the open with nothing but a wall separating you from a hall packed with two hundred guests. I’m sorry but I don’t believe in ‘accidents’”, she air-quoted. “If you ever wanted it to happen, I’m sure he wanted it just as much”, she finished forthrightly.

“That was you?!…”, June remembered the footsteps she’d heard after her and Jon’s steamy encounter by the pool. She had completely forgotten about it, but the memory came back at Diane’s comment.

“Yeah…and you’re welcome, girlfriend. If it wasn’t for me guarding the entrance to the terrace…”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Well”, Diane shrugged, but continued with a more sober tone, “I have to admit that I waited for you to tell me about it at first, but then two days later you were gone and here we are".

June felt a slight sting of regret and smiled apologetically. "Crazy, huh?"

“He loves you, June. You should’ve seen him when we couldn’t find you, he was so torn it was painful to look at him.”

“I know…it’s just that it’s too soon...”

“That’s bullshit, June, you guys go way back. I still don’t know why it took you two so long to take the blindfold off your eyes. You’ve known each other for years, you love and trust each other…and that's more than many, many couples can say. You’re gonna be just fine”, the brunette sentenced.

June sighed with relief.

“And cut yourself some slack, honey, it’s perfectly alright to freak out”, Diane sat closer to June and wrapped her arms around her. “With everything you’re going through you’re handling it pretty well if you ask me…I'm so proud of you.”

June let out a long, deep breath. “God, I really needed this.”

Diane replied with a gentle smile on her lips as they pulled away. “My pleasure, honey.”

Later that night June laid in bed, at times tossing and turning, at times staring at the ceiling, trying to find sleep but still afraid that it would only bring another bad dream.

However, when sleep finally found her, this time, it took her right into Jon's warm, loving arms.