010

On the street while June listened to Jon brief her on the latest movie he had seen and the recent offer he’d been made to appear in one for the first time, June fixed her eyes on what was Jon’s less taken care of aspect of his appearance: his leather boots. The round tip was scarred and scratched by use, all different marks that evidenced they’d been worn quite a few times, the leather had even subtly taken the shape of Jon’s toes. But over Jon’s voice and despite the street noises, June could hear her heartbeat. She asked herself when had been the last time she’d heard it beat like that. It had been lost in the background noise of the life she’d built, but now it was there on the foreground again.

Before she could further analyze her experience, she was captured by the left corner of his lips, how it curved slightly a little more than the right one, and how his smile extended from there to the rest of his mouth, showing his shiny, white, pearly upper row of teeth, how - even when he smiled at the widest - , his lower teeth barely ever showed.

At the moment the elevator doors closed June hadn’t still made up her mind about what was Jon’s issue. He sighed and kept quiet, then smiled warmly at her before pressing the button, and she replied with an equally warm one, but he’d already turned his face to the elevator’s control. There was definitely something wrong behind his cool facade, but even when they’d known each other for years, they weren’t close enough for her to feel like nosing around in his life if he wasn’t ready to talk about it. Besides, why should it be her he’d talk to? If he hadn’t looked for anybody else’s help, it was because he didn’t need it.

“It’s nice to see you again”, he finally said, just before the door opened on his apartment floor.

“What were the odds, huh?”, she answered, slightly waving her cup of coffee in the air.

They walked out and Jon swiftly led her to the door, then opened it for her. June walked in cautiously with Jon on her tug and came to a skidding halt after a few steps in, causing Jon in turn, to bump into her because of his impulse. In order to prevent both of them from falling he grabbed her arms just above the elbows and pinned them to her sides.

Jon looked over June’s shoulders and greeted the man sprawled on the sofa, one foot on the floor, one arm tucked behind his neck, the other holding a bottle of beer that was placed on top of his abdomen. Eric Clapton’s music played softly in the background.

“Rich”

“Kidd, June”

“Hi, Richie”, June replied once she recovered.

Jon motioned for June to walk towards the sofa and took a few steps in advance to greet his friend after he sat up and placed the bottle of beer on the glass table in the centre of the room.

As the two men hugged June could hear Richie saying something in Jon’s ear, but was unable to distinguish his words. Their exchange of affection tugged at a string of her heart, and if she had any doubt that there was something brewing, Richie’s presence at Jon’s apartment now confirmed it.

“Have ya eaten yet? We were ‘bout to do so”

“Yeah, had something at the airport, no prob, you guys go ahead I was about to doze…”, Richie yawned and stretched himself “…aggghh… off”, he grinned when he finished. “Jet lag’s a bitch”.

Richie dragged his bare feet on the floor as he walked in the direction of what apparently was the private area of the house. June knew exactly the nature of Jon and Richie’s relationship, so not one aspect of his behavior came as a surprise to her.

…

24 hours before, as Jon sat behind the wheel of his car, driving towards Manhattan, his jaw clenched, it wasn’t clear for him how things had gotten to that point. He wasn’t the slamming the door and walking away kind of guy, but somehow he’d managed to pull it off. Things hadn’t been well since before the baby was born, but they both secretly hoped that the arrival of their daughter would give them a fresh start. Far from it, it had made things worse, and when at first the little cracks were easily fixed, now the cracks were bigger, deeper and harder to fix. The sight of their marriage falling to pieces proved to be too harsh an image for both of them, testing their resolution and strength of will. They were a perfect match in that sense, but now they felt hopeless fighting against an enemy they weren’t prepared for, that only made things worse. Jon thought it was time to admit that they wouldn’t be able to fight it, that their falling apart was imminent, and he was ready to throw the towel in. 

Jon also tried to set the exact moment when he let his guard down, to no avail. He’d been so focused the recent couple of years, everything seemed to be working according to the plan and expectations. Now he was losing it, he scanned his brain over and over trying to identify his moment of frailty. He needed to be alone, calm down, think, work things out. He called Richie just to tell him that things weren’t right, but as usual, he was cryptic and Richie understood, and also as usual, he’d wait until Jon was ready to talk.

But Jon knew this time was different. On many levels. One of them being the fact that for the first time he’d married Dorothea, he’d been able to imagine himself with another woman. In his mind that woman had many faces, that only made the image that much more disturbing. Secondly, for the first time he felt that Dorothea just couldn’t stand him, and that she placed all the blame in him, when in any case, it was both of them who’d made mistakes. Finally, this time he’d faced the issue with his signature business approach and as positively as he could, but he’d failed miserably. 

Maybe the following day talking to Richie would clarify his thinking, whatever path of action he chose.

Little did he know how things would turn out the following evening. June was there, and the darkness suddenly didn’t feel that dark anymore.

It was past 11 p.m. when empty dishes, a half full cup of warm honey lemon tea and an almost empty bottle of wine lay on the table. During dinner and after covering the usual and general aspects of the recent months, June noticed that Jon was evasive on the subject of his marriage and parenthood. Whenever she asked, he’d answer, but it seemed to upset him, so the conversation finally arrived in a discussion about the economic perspectives of the year. Now it was June’s time to speak, but she was interrupted by the phone ringing. She stopped talking to allow Jon to pick up the phone, but he seemed reluctant to do it. He turned his head to look over his shoulders at the device, then turned his head back to the table and sipped the remnants of wine in his glass.

“I’m sorry, I need to take this”, he said apologetically.

“Sure, sure”.

He finally walked towards the little table and answered, while she silently indicated that she intended to use the toilet, and he indicated the way with a gesture of his hand. Now she was beginning to get an idea of what might be happening, but in her head it seemed impossible. Jon hadn’t commented about any problems with the band, either. As far as she knew they’d take the world by storm again any moment soon.

June lingered in the bathroom in order to allow some privacy for Jon, and emerged after a good 10 minutes. Jon was already picking up the dishes from the table.

“Sorry about that” he apologized again.

“Come on, it’s your house” June apologized herself “I should get going actually, I completely lost track of time” she said and started helping him with the dishes and glasses.

“You haven’t finished your tea, yet, missy” Jon tilted his head towards the cup with a mock patronizing look that couldn’t disguise a certain sadness in his eyes. “Sit”

“Alright, I’ll do it … if you do, too, there’s still some wine left in the bottle”. Behind his cocky attitude, she felt his sorrow, and there’s really very little you can actually do for someone going through a painful experience except to show them that you care. Even when Jon would keep his business private, she felt she needed to do something. As soon as he sat down, the words flowed straight from her heart through her mouth.

“Look, Jon…we met like, what? Five, six years ago? And probably met once or twice a year since then, right?” Jon nodded in agreement, a small pout on his lips. “I know it’s not enough, and we don’t know each other that much, but I can see something’s bothering you. I’m not going to ask and I’m not entitled to give you any advice neither do you have the obligation to take it”, she smile kindly tilting her head to one side, “…all I can say is that I hope it turns out for the best”. June stretched her arm across the table, covering Jon’s hand with her and giving it a tight squeeze before letting it go. 

That’s exactly what he needed to hear. Straight and simple, but as good as he was at expressing his feelings through words, there were moments like this when his craft failed him. He deeply felt her caring, but his answer remained cryptic. “You’re your brother’s sister, no doubt about it”. The two shared a gaze for a few moments, until June finally spoke before downing what was left of her tea.

“I really need to go…”. She stood up as she spoke, and motioned to help pick the rest of the things up, but Jon stopped her, standing up himself.

“It’s gonna be a long night, I’d better have homework to do”, he chuckled in spite of himself. It was gonna be a long night, indeed.

“Alright”, June shrugged and moved towards the door to get her coat. Jon followed her placing his hand over her shoulder, only removing it when she turned to put on her coat.

“Thanks for the lovely company June”, he hugged her and spoke against her hair, “we should do this again sometime, whenever you feel ready for me boring you to death with my speech”

“Sure, but I’m sure it’s not as boring as mine”, she grinned after pulling apart.

“Wanna bet?”, he chuckled, “I can usually feel how bored people are by my nonsense”

“Oh, do you?”, she replied challenging, raising her eyebrows, “your sensitivity was off today then”. She finished biting her tongue, immediately followed by Jon’s throaty laughter.

“Busted”, he admitted with mock defeat.

By the time Jon rested his head on the pillow late that night, he felt positive, his spirits and his perspective were already changing. The following day when he poured his thoughts to Richie they were already clear, he knew exactly what he had to do. That afternoon, they both drove back to Jon’s house in New Jersey, and after dinner, when Jon entered his bedroom and saw his wife on the bed with the baby, he simply knew he was going to be able to fix it.

He took off his jeans and crawled into bed before surrounding the two most important people in his life with his arms. “I’m gonna make this work, baby. We are gonna make this work”.